Nit-Pickers

Many years ago I used to read Mike Royko’s column in the Chicago Tribune every day. It was a great loss of written entertainment when he passed away and a great sadness to myself. I remember one column where Mr. Royko wrote of a high school English teacher who contacted him to complain of some slight grammatical mistake in a piece. Royko refereed to her as a “thin lipped nit-picker”, suggesting that all high school English teachers were similar in personality. I will have to admit that while all English teachers I know don’t fit that description, many do. I have always wondered why so many English teachers, even ones I consider friends, are so unpleasant and inflexible. Using a line from an old Simpson’s episode, the stick up their ass has a stick up it’s ass.

You might be surprised to know that other teachers spend considerable time in conversation with each other discussing their English Department colleagues. I don’t want to suggest here that any of them are poor teachers, in fact, I consider several of the worst “nit-pickers” among the best teachers I know. Unfortunately, the students don’t appreciate the “nit-picker’s” skill as instructors because they are so unrelentingly unpleasant, and I have a theory as to why this is true.

Last week a colleague pointed out the fact that almost none of the English Department faculty had children of their own. I never thought of this, but it is true. For example, of the 17 members of the English department I count a total of 4 children. In contrast, the 11 members of the Science department have raised 14 children. It becomes difficult to browbeat a student for some insignificant mistake such as not having your book covered properly or forgetting your red pen when your child has come home in tears after being scolded for something so petty. I have often talked with one English teacher who is especially harsh with students for the smallest imperfection, suggesting that this teacher “chill out” and not make such a big deal about something.

This teacher had just been scolded by an administrator for being so harsh toward a student who had been late to their class. I am not suggesting that tardies be tolerated. When a student is late to my class, something that does not happen often, I mark them tardy on the attendance report and go on with class–I never say anything about it to them. After three tardies the Attendance Dean issues a detention and the student stays after school for an hour. My English colleague feels that an approach like that is equivalent to ignoring the problem, favoring a harsh verbal correction accompanied by an inspection to uncover other violations–“Not only are you late, but your book cover is torn!!!”. The saddest part of this story is that this is an excellent teacher as well as a terrific person outside of the classroom who should be appreciated and admired, but instead is universally hated by students.