Without Parents There Would Be No Students

Just last week we had our annual “Back to School Night” where parents come in the evening and run through a shortened schedule for their child. I have 5 minutes to talk to the parents about that particular class. I usually hand out a one page sheet detailing how to contact me and how to access my web page for each class. This year my hand-out included 10 things a parent could do the help their child improve their grade. Maybe 50% of the parents show up.
Parents can be a remarkable asset to the teacher, helping him or her be more successful at an increasingly difficult job. On the other hand, parents can also be a pain in the ass. As one of my colleagues once said, “At the next school I teach, all the students will be orphans.” I would like to share one example of my experience with a bad parent. This situation occurred about 4 years ago.

Beth was a 16 year old high school sophomore. Her work was usually missing or incomplete, and generally uninspired. As the year went on, she did more and more poorly on exams. She failed 3 of the last four exams, as well as the final. Her grade for the semester was a D+. About a week after school ended, I got an angry email from her mother. The woman said that her daughter had told her that the reason she did so poorly on tests was that the work we covered in class was never the same material tested on exams. This woman demanded that I meet with her and have ready; all her daughters exams from the year, a copy of each study guide, and my lesson plans. I was told she wanted to check each test question with my study guide and lesson plan to verify her daughter’s claim. She also added that when she had the evidence of my incompetence, she would go the school principal and request I be fired. Most teachers I know would have refused and referred the problem to an assistant principal, probably getting in a angry shouting match with the parent for making such a silly request. I, on the other hand, wanted to have some fun with the woman so I agreed. When she arrived, I had 16 exams laid out in piles that included the study guide for the unit and a copy of the appropriate page from my lesson plan book. I said hello to both of them, the girl and her mother, and asked which exam she would like to start with. The woman began to shake her finger at me and threaten to have me fired for being such a bad teacher, but didn’t ask for a particular exam. I suggested the last exam of the quarter, the one Beth had gotten a 54% on, and handed the pile to her saying that the class average was 86%. I then sat back and watched. She opened the exam and began checking, she would ask me to identify the review question, and the lesson plan entry that pertained to each question she pointed to. After 5 or 6 questions, the woman looked to her daughter and said, “Show me what you mean.” The daughter was pail as a ghost, and taking the packed, fingered through it for a while and then said, “I don’t remember ever learning this problem in class.” She said, looking a little shaken. Like a gift from God himself, she chose a problem that was exactly like the one we did in class as an example. I smiled, and took her class notebook from a pile next to me. At the end of each year I collect class notebooks, keeping them for the summer before I throw them out. I opened to the last section of her notes and pointed out that we had done that problem in class and she had even wrote it in her notebook. “Maybe it was a different problem.” She said. I asked her to find one that illustrated what had claimed and handed her the papers, adding that there was no hurry. The mother was turning red as a beet and grew more and more agitated with each minute. The girl thumbed through the papers, them pushed them aside and said “I don’t know.” The mother flew into a rage and began screaming at the girl. As it turned out, the girl had made up the story so as not to be grounded for the poor grade. She never thought her mother would follow through and demand a meeting. Children never consider the consequences of their lies. I asked the girl to leave the room and I scolded the mother for falling for such a ridiculous lie and wasting my time. I added a specific threat that if I found out she had told anyone that I wasn’t teaching the material I would take action, legal if necessary, to expose this vicious lie. I let her know that I viewed Beth’s accusation as defamation and wasn’t going to tolerate it. I purposefully made it as humiliating on the woman as possible, but not in front of her daughter. It was worth the 90 minutes it took me to organize the material. I don’t suffer arrogant fools well and enjoy messing with them.
Here is a tip for all you parents out there. When children do poorly in a class they usually claim that the material wasn’t taught, and its bullshit. Why would I, or any other teacher, spend their time making up lessons over something we weren’t going to test on? Even a bad teacher wouldn’t do that! What’s wrong with you! Maybe a poor job was done in teaching something, but an attempt to teach is always going to be made, or the material would be taken off the exam.
A note to teachers. When a parent accuses you of this, never get angry. Invite them to a meeting and bring out your written record. Collect student notebooks and be ready to show the parent a record of what is covered in class. If Beth didn’t have the problem we needed to see in her notebook someone would have. Show the parent that another student has notes on the topic and you have established that it was taught and it is their child’s fault, not yours. It is very important that any accusation that you don’t teach the material is addressed immediately and directly, but not with anger. If you don’t, after a while, word will get around that you are a poor teacher and your career will be in jeopardy. Unless, of course, the accusation is true, in which case you need to find another career.